I don’t usually share my distress on the blog, for fear of upsetting those close to me. But I think that I can share this without causing offense.
I feel flat. My parents visited for two weeks and then Mr B’s came for a week. We have been busy busy busy. Bibsey has had a lovely time. Many presents and ice creams. Much bonding. Brilliant. And now we are alone with ourselves again and life must return to normal.
And I feel flat. A bit like I used to feel when I was a kid and Christmas was over and the cousins (with whom we had a huge laugh even though it took a couple days to break the ice each time) had gone home. It feels like Sunday evening and homework has not been done, but not quite as bad as having History A’ Level exam tomorrow and no revision done (recurring nightmare even in my 40s if you can believe it).
I think I feel like this because we have had such a nice time. For me, particularly with my parents. It seems like the first time since I had Bibsey and moved to Spain that I have actually had the attention span to enjoy time with them. Previous visits here and in England have been dominated by the trials and grind of daily life with a new child. And a first child to boot. Eating out isn’t what it used to be. Lazing around by a swimming pool and long lunches aren’t what they used to be (wry smile). Staying up late isn’t what it used to be.
This time I felt a bit more present and relaxed. Is motherhood getting easier? Ha ha. Remind me of this when I am trying to contain the next toddler tantrum someone.
Dig a bit deeper and I might find that as I approach the Big 3 (years since we left London for Spain), and I finally poke my head above the parapet of motherhood, I am beginning to feel some of the ties with ‘home’ are stretching a bit thin. We don’t get to go to all the birthday parties and weddings. I hanker after nights with my old girlfriends. I want to know what is going on with them. I feel very far away.
We see each others’ lives unfolding and the kids growing up on Facebook and Flickr. I feel detached. My choice I guess.
Oh. And this was all compounded by the unbridled joy emanating from The Brewery this weekend as a large number of my blog crushes and buddies converged on the City of London to booze, schmooze and learn stuff at #Britmums Live. I wanted to be there too. AND. Yes there is more. I used to run events in London and that is a venue that I know.
So Ya Boo I miss my old work mates too. People who kept me sane and in the same job for nearly 10 years. I wasn’t there for the canapes you know. Although that is of course the reason why I got into Events in the first place.
OH POOR ME! And my terrible life in Spain, with its blue sky and yellow sun. I am not saying that I am not happy. Just that I miss ‘home’. That’s ok isn’t it?