An arse less ordinary

Parental advisory.

An arse less ordinary

Relatively untroubled as I still am by a following, I am feeling free to make mention yet again about the state of my bum. A source of much concern for me lately. To quickly get you up to speed, things in that area are not wholly (pun intended) as they were before the birth of Bibsey. It seems that in response to the trauma of childbirth and a couple of bouts of quite appalling post-partum constipation, my bum maybe ever so slightly falling out.

I plucked up the courage to FINALLY go to see el medico today. The choice in our pueblo is fairly scant. There is Rusty Crotch*, as my friend calls him – a rare redheaded Spaniard who always seems to be on his way out for coffee or breakfast or lunch – and there is my doctor. He is a benign  Frenchman who speaks Spanish at a mumble. Add that to my poor old Spanish and we are barely communicating. He saw me through my whole pregnancy and has yet to actually touch me or examine me in anyway.

We sat there talking about my bum with dictionaries in hand. It was  a pretty useless conversation as my dictionary is quite shy of giving me any anatomically useful words. The internet, I have found, is not so shy. Hoorah! I have some new Spanish poorly bum vocab: available on request (as not yet included in the Glossary Espanglés).

So my arse remains unexamined. Socrates once said “The unexamined life is not worth living.” Surely he would have something to say about this. Please forgive shameless attempt to shoehorn (notso) clever classical reference into my rather base arse post.

Anyway, the upshot is that he is going to refer me to someone in the big city who will look at it. Great. Oh, that is of course when I sort out the paperwork for my medical cover. And THAT amigos is a whole other post.

Right, I’ll stop arsing around now (sorry, too many arse jokes not enough time) and go to get the Bibsey from her nap – she is calling me – and to do something wholesome like bury my nose in her soft neck to smell the good baby smell.

*BTW I am allowed to take the piss out of redheads. Some of my best friends are Rouge.

Submitted to the Love Mummy Blogs Showcase on 2 November 2011